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<title>I Bet on Losing Dogs by wings_are_aflame</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29299779">I Bet on Losing Dogs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wings_are_aflame/pseuds/wings_are_aflame'>wings_are_aflame</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>children on thrones and on too tall towers [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, Daddy Issues, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Hatred, im sad okay, might have comfort idk lol, only like half-beta read so good luck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:14:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29299779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wings_are_aflame/pseuds/wings_are_aflame</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy falls, and he wonders about his past choices in his short life.</p><p>He bets on losing dogs, and hopes hard they come out alive, until they fall to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Title: I Bet on Losing Dogs by Mitski Mitski (aka my mommy issues 🤣🤣🤣😜😜😜😹😹😹)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>None</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>children on thrones and on too tall towers [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Bet on Losing Dogs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i had an argument with my parents before i wrote this and it hurt so idk if this is good lmao pls do give me criticism i wont promise i wont cry but ill try not to<br/>this also may have a second part but i havent decided yet so..........have fun ig lol</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
<p></p><div><p>Maybe this is why he keeps failing.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>He keeps falling too.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>Tommy felt this before, and surprisingly, death was good friends with the teenager, constantly an arm's length away.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>Death is slow, when its as peaceful and as accepting as this, having long accepted it before Technoblade took him in.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>Realizing that he keeps hoping, wishing that his father may hug him, that his father may look at him the way he does Wilbur and Techno, wishing he told tubbo how much he loved him as his brother, how much he appreciated Tubbo's loyalty to their friendship, how he's forgiven Tubbo, wishing he told everyone in L'manburg how he cared about them, how it was all a facade, how his bravado was never there, built on years of neglect, self-doubt.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>Puffy was there to show how much she cared for Tommy. She understood, at least, that he was a kid, that despite his mistakes, explosions and violence is not a teaching tool. She had been there with Sam, stood by his side. He still feels bad for the time he misspelled her name for something, remembers her light giggles and the way her white fluffy hair bounced with her. He had never met his mom, only Wilbur and Techno did, Puffy was the closest he can go to a mother figure, and he's happy enough for that.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>
      <em>I'll miss you.</em>
    </p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>Sam offered him things he wished his father would, a hug, a comforting pat on the back when he has nightmares, when he was scared. Sam offered to take him in, and he, the hopeful spitfire he always has been, believed that maybe, just maybe, Phil would've still loved him, the way Sam does. Sam gave him a sad smile, he recalls, Sam loved him like a father, and yet he chose to chase the clouds. Sam accepted, said his offer would always be open to take, Tommy wished he chose Sam instead.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>
      <em>I'm sorry.</em>
    </p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>It was an endless chase, looking for love from a father who never paid attention.  It was never meant to be.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>And the way he took Ranboo in.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>That'd hurt.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>He's not mad at Ranboo, possibly never will be. Ranboo deserves to be happy, and Tommy, despite the anger and the envy he felt towards the half-enderman, he wishes Phil shows the same love he did with Techno. He hopes Ranboo finds peace in the family he wanted to call his own. Ranboo had been there for him in exile, and he is forever grateful. Ranboo deserves more than he's been given, a good friend and soul. But he can't keep beiong happy for him when Wilbur and Tommy were left in the dust so fast. It's still unfair. Wilbur tried his hardest to be a father at 13 and yet, the only help Phil gave to Wilbur was an <em>assisted suicide.</em> Phil was never there for Tommy either, only one visit the entire time he was at exile. What makes Ranboo so different? Why does Phil want the half-enderman more than Tommy? What did he do? What should he do? Maybe it was because-</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>Ranboo deserves this <em>more than he </em><b><em>ever did</em></b><em>. </em>Because he was kinder, smarter, quieter, more loyal, <em>bett<strong>er</strong>.</em></p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>He wished he could've apologized to techno, on his way to the cottage, Axe of Peace in hand. Only to see Phil introduce their new <strike><b><em>replacement</em></b> </strike>kid, smiling the way he wanted to see. Tommy was, despite the stubbornness, a coward, at times. He didn't want to open this luggage he's carried for years. So he makes a chest, tears brimming his dulled yet youthful eyes, and leaves the chest for Technoblade to find, and he runs. He runs like the coward Techno said he is. He never wanted to betray his best friend. Tubbo was a constant, he felt bad when he says he didn't feel as bad betraying techno, he couldn't feel bad for someone who felt like a stranger, but he was still a brother. Choosing him felt like a lesser evil, Tubbo has been there, since he left home. He couldn't leave his Tubbo, not his brother. Tubbo was a loyal friend, and he wished he could've seen the blurring night sky.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>
      <em>But Techno is your brother?</em>
    </p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>
      <strike>
        <em>Maybe not as much as Tubbo was.</em>
      </strike>
    </p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>
      <b>
        <em>"Who am I without you?"</em>
      </b>
    </p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>
      <b>
        <em>"Yourself."</em>
      </b>
    </p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>The way Tubbo fell to the ground would always burn in his mind, tear filled eyes blurring everything, haggard, uneven breathing made it harder to grasp everything else. He doesn't know if he screamed or stayed silent in horror, doesn't seem like it mattered now. His soulmate, Tommy's Tubbo. Why does the world have to put naive children in spots like this? Why them? Why them specifically? Can they just be happy for once? Why can't they just have some fucking peace?</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>Finally, finally when Tommy felt he wanted to be alive, when he thought there was a fucking chance, that's when it all goes to shit. Punz was their gamble and it didn't even fucking work. Dream won<b><em>healwaysdid</em></b>.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>Tommy is impatient, he just wants to fall and be dead already.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>
      <em>Why does everything feel so slow?</em>
    </p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>
      <em>I just want </em>
      <b>
        <em>Tubbo</em>
      </b>
      <em>.</em>
    </p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>He thinks, maybe, maybe he wanted to be a child.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>The way he felt with Puffy, with Sam and Tubbo.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>He wants a dad, a dad who would've called him their baby, their beloved son.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>He regrets shouting about how he's bigger than he actually is, regrets calling himself a big man. He didn't want this. If this is what it meant to be older, then he doesn't want it. Tommy just wants to be small and happy, cradled in Wilbur's arms while Techno reads another nerdy Greek tragedy for him, Phil can be in it too! In the background, smiling at his children while cooking up one of the best kinds of food he has ever tasted. Nothing beats the taste of home. He doesn't to be a big man anymore, he wants to be a kid, a child. No more big man Tommy.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>
      <em>He isn't.</em>
    </p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>
      <em>Never was.</em>
    </p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>He was just a scared little boy. Body too big for the inner child to be comfortable, so the child in him hides behind mountains of facades. In hopes that one day, he would ever feel comfortable in his own skin.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>Tommy cries about the bets he had on his losing dogs. He knew they would never win.</p></div><div><p><br/>
</p></div><div><p>
      <em>He knew he would never win.</em>
    </p></div></div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>pls comment im big sad</p></blockquote></div></div>
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